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Lonely. [Jun. 12th, 2017|01:16 pm]
I'm going to force myself to type right now and release feelings I have.

I feel so lonely!!! I have no girlfriends! I want to be able to go out with my friend and go dancing but my only friend who actually values my friendship doesn't like to do what I like to do and is afraid of everything and lives far away! I just want someone to hang out with.

She's the only one I have to talk to about it too.
i wish I could calm my mind enough to write. Stupid movie is distracting me...and now I just want to sleep.
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Thoughts on Life and my next move [Dec. 21st, 2016|03:31 am]
in the two years since I became a nurse I have learned almost more than I ever did in nursing school.
I no longer trust pharmaceutical companies. I have read the horrors of god-complex-having doctors.

I have seen doctors prescribe drugs unnecessarily, repeatedly.

With all of this, I am compelled to become a naturopathic nurse practitioner, but going to school and working is exhausting.
So then we turn to the CNC machine. It should be shipping today or tomorrow.
When it comes, we have some work cut out for us.

I have ideas. They've been flowing. Perhaps right now what I should do is brainstorm for the machine.

I'm scared for Lucius and even more so for Lennox concerning the future of this country.
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Have you ever [Oct. 5th, 2016|06:02 pm]
had the sudden realization that all of your problems are your own fault? For me it wasn't very sudden, but repeatedly, for years. I got into a fight with Stephen because I can't fucking hack being a mom and working and going to school. Right now I'm not even going to school. I literally have 5 assignments to do, and I am fumbling. I'm more than fumbling. I'm straight fucking up.

This writing isn't even coherent. I should sleep but I can't.
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Have you ever [Jun. 9th, 2015|09:13 am]
Life is goooood. Weird twist in events. There was some drama-ish. Now Krysta and Melanie and I are cool and Jessica and I are good friends. :)

Life is better lately. I need to pick up a prescription today. I've decided that I need to start journaling every day again.

Today I'm going to do last week's statistics homework, then take the dog to town forest or something. And meditate. Before homework, though, I think I need to clean up the room a bit. Here's to some tunes and cleaning! Productive day. Ready. Set. Go.
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Blessings [Mar. 30th, 2015|06:08 pm]
This week:
Got to work 3-11 last night
have today off
cleaned today
watched some helpful videos today
saw my therapist last monday
slept comfortably and lovingly with my fiance every night
walked my dog
went to the gym
did yoga
sitting here now doing as i please
did a good job last night
snuggled with lu
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I won't [Mar. 30th, 2015|02:25 pm]
I won't let this ruin me. I won't let this consume me. I will be strong as I have always been. I will continue to fight for my life. It is mine. No one, not even I, may take it away. Not even I may make my days stormy.

I have to live with myself. So I better get used to me.
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Sitting here [Mar. 30th, 2015|09:52 am]
I've been awake for almost 3 hours and so far the most of I've gotten done is washing my face, changing appointments, paying bills, and eating pasta.

To Do:
-music class homework
-clean room and kitchen
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I'm a boss ass bitch [Dec. 28th, 2014|11:35 pm]
I was lyin in bed thinking about how much work my life is. Really....it's only 1 third of 5 days of my week.

I need to start using my time more wisely.

I am a bad bitch and I need to start acting like one. I need to start handling shit like one. At this point, I'm not handling things very well.

That's gonna change. I'm going to fix my eating habits and start working out every day, beginning next week after I slam this essay down.

This essay. I have just over a week to do it.
I got this. Monday and Tuesday will be research days, and as I research I'll begin to formulate my essay outline. Wednesday will be hard outlining. Thursday will begin the drafting. I may have the day off, in which case I'll spend the entire day going hard at the essay. If not Thursday, then Friday. Saturday and Sunday I will put the final touches, and by Monday I can drop the essay off at the campus.

I got this.
Once I finish this essay I will really have proved to myself, for the yet unrecognized millionth time, that I am a boss as bitch.

Once that is done, I will have 3 weeks of school-less bliss in which the only thing I will have to read or write is what I want to read or write. Then, when school does start again, I will be taking a course that challenges the conscious mind while keeping a sense of creativity and wonder (I hope). I am excited to begin that class.

Things I'm grateful for:

Stephen proposed to me!!
We had a really nice weekend in and I love his company.
My son loves me unconditionally and I love when he clings to me and wants to cuddle.

Things I'm looking forward to:

Work tomorrow, as there will be a new patient or two and I will discover what my new routine is.
Going to see Camille tomorrow and getting the opportunity to do something for someone else for a change. I need to. I need to attend someone else's needs. It will do me some good for my character.
Challenging myself and writing this essay.
Beginning my new lifestyle. It will only take a few months to become habit. You can do it Leah. You've done it before. You are strong enough. You can manage it.
Once my essay is done I will find something to do with my time, maybe by drawing mandalas.

I've got this. If I go to bed now, I will get 6 hours of sleep, just enough.

Goodnight, girrrrl. You can have the world. You are beautiful and confident and sharp as a whip. You've got this. Don't let the blues bring you down. You're better than that and you deserve to allow yourself to be happy.

You've proven to yourself that you can do anything. So, do it.
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First Day of Work! [Nov. 3rd, 2014|09:33 am]
Today is my first day of orientation at Bear Hill. I'm SO excited, and also really nervous. I need to just remember to be confident, but not cocky. I'm not expected to know everything, and I'm not gonna be on the floor or anything today. I think I'll be there til like 3, but I can't remember for sure. I'm nervous!! Everything will be great, though. My life begins today!!!!!
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(no subject) [Oct. 30th, 2014|12:02 pm]
I can't believe tomorrow is Halloween. I hate winter. Noooo! I start my new job on Monday. I'm really excited. I can't wait to make some money and learn. I'm worried that I've forgotten everything. Destiny says the staff at Bear Hill is really nice, so that makes me feel a little better. Hopefully they'll be supportive of my learning.

I missed a WIMBA session yesterday for my online nursing class and I'm freaking out.

I've had a little more energy lately. Yet, right now, I'm about to take a nap.
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